A Hard 6 Months - Part 2

Grief is here to stay. It’s a shadow that follows us everywhere we go. Our grief and pain are part of us now, part of who we are, how we carry ourselves, and how we live our lives. What has happened to us cannot be changed; Our grief cannot be erased. It’s not like snapping your fingers and everything is all better. After going through an extreme loss like this, you have to embrace the grief and pain, learning who you are and how to live life now.

  So many people don’t know what to do with us. They don’t want to say the wrong thing, and some are scared of making us cry or don’t know how to handle us and our life circumstances. Then there are others who are very insensitive and don’t think first before saying things to us. It is incredibly hard to live surrounded by people who don’t know what to do with you or don’t know how to treat you. A big change in me since Owen’s death is being easily angered. It’s been a hard emotion to battle against and it makes being social very difficult. We’ve had moments of feeling like zoo animals on display - it hurts when people just watch us without acknowledging us. I hate going anywhere right now. It was so nice to be on vacation where no one knew us and we could go places without being known and watched.

  If you see us, don’t be scared of us. If you know us, please don’t be afraid to acknowledge us or our loss of Owen. We think about him all the time and talking about him will not make our hurt worse. If you do want to talk with us and bring anything up, here is some advice on how to treat and be around a grieving parent: be tender, be gentle, be patient, be sensitive, be mindful, don’t be scared, don’t be pushy, listen, don’t offer solutions, be willing to sit with us, and don’t give up on us. You can’t fix us. Nothing can fix or take this away. People who want to try, make me angry. Some may not agree with how we are grieving, but there is no rule book on how to grieve the loss of your child. Those who are there for us when we need in whatever state of mind we are in, with whatever is feeling most painful to us at that moment, are such a blessing and balm to our hearts.

  Our life has truly been a test of faith. The devil has come at us full force since Owen’s death. He is persistent, evil, conniving, sneaky, and full of lies. The devil wants to take us down. He is preying on our vulnerability, on our pain, on how shaken we are from what we have gone through. He doesn’t want us trusting the Lord and resting on His promises. He doesn’t want us seeing truth and remembering the hope there is in Christ. The devil has attacked us through temptations, the thoughts he plants in our minds, and by the words he has spoken to me. After having such intense first-hand encounters with the devil and his wiles, I implore you as Peter did that we need to “be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.” (1Peter 5:8)

  Along with battling against Satan, we are also battling our own sinful flesh. I often find myself wanting to give up and escape the crushing pain that comes storming in and overwhelms me. It is scary to be so close to giving in to the temptations to numb or stop the pain. But all this time and through all those battles, God is holding on! How can I deny Him and His grace and care after what He has helped me fight through? “But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.” (1Peter 5:10) God helps and provides sufficient strength to fight the hardest of battles in this life.

  Here is a beautiful song called “Come To Me” from the scripture lullaby music where Owen got his scripture music teddy bear from. This song is based on Matthew 11: 28-30 where it says “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

Come To Me

Come to Me right now

If you’re burdened down

Come to Me and I will give you rest For your weary soul

I will ease your load

Come to Me

You have labored much

Felt like giving up

Come to Me and I will give you rest

Turn your eyes this way, I am your escape

Come to Me.

  Just as He is the only sure lifeline, so Jesus is the only true escape. What a truth to cling to. Satan can go fly a kite. He has already lost the battle for the souls of God’s people. And I have told him to his face that he won’t win because Christ holds the victory. I don’t think he likes to be told that, and he has tried over and over to attack me and our family in so many different ways. He doesn’t give up easy. Fighting Satan and his attacks is exhausting, it can be scary, and I will admit he has knocked me down multiple times from resting in the Lord and into that pit of despair and hopelessness. But having people around me encouraging me in God’s truth, and then turning around and speaking truth to the devil helps me stand firmer on God’s promises, what He has accomplished through His son Jesus, and reminds me that satan has nothing on God. “The Lord is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid?” (Psalm 27:1)

  Psalms 142 & 143 are a couple precious passages in the Bible I find comfort in and turn to often. They are pleas to the Lord for relief, for guidance, and for deliverance. David wrote these psalms when he was fleeing his persecutors, but I read them from the perspective that the enemy is death and the devil. It is comforting to know we are not the only ones with cries of help, with questions, sometimes with doubts, wondering what God’s plan is and His intention with allowing us to walk such a hard and painful path. It’s comforting to see how God upheld even the most godly men in history as they battled temptations, depression, pain and sorrow, anger, doubts, and uncertainty with the direction their lives were taking.

Psalm 142: 6-7 says “Attend to my cry, for I am brought very low; Deliver me from my persecutors (death/devil) for they are stronger than I. Bring my soul out of prison, that I may praise Your name.”

Psalm 143: 3-4 says “For the enemy (death/devil) has persecuted my soul; He has crushed my life to the ground; He has made me dwell in darkness, like those who have long been dead. Therefore my spirit is overwhelmed within me; My heart within me is distressed.”

Psalm 143: 11 says “Revive me, O Lord, for Your name’s sake! For Your righteousness’ sake bring my soul out of trouble.”

  I have Lamentations 3: 31-32 highlighted in my Bible. Recently, a friend reminded me of this verse again at a time I needed to remember it. “For the Lord will not cast off forever. Though He causes grief, yet He will show compassion according to the multitude of His mercies.” God has truly been so compassionate and merciful even when I lose sight of what is true and so often spiral into the pit of despair. He is patient, gently carrying me when I cannot go on, lifting me out of despair.

  It is beautiful to have glimpses, through the hard and the pain, of God’s care and protection against the devil and against ourselves. Looking back and seeing how much worse a situation could’ve been makes me hold Psalm 91: 11-12 close to my heart: “For He shall give His angels charge over you, to keep you in all your ways. In their hands they shall bear you up, lest you dash your foot against a stone.” What a beautiful picture that is if you sit and think about it. It’s because of Him that you and I are still here despite the days we just don’t know how to keep living this painful life. “Look upon me and be merciful to me, as Your custom is toward

those who love Your name.” (Psalm 119: 132) “Great are Your tender mercies, O Lord!” (Psalm 119: 156a)