Losing the battle

September is childhood cancer awareness month, and the symbol is a gold ribbon. Our eyes were opened to the world of paediatric cancer when we were suddenly and fiercely thrown into that world with Owen. There are many children out there fighting this nasty illness, and there are many types of cancer that children are currently battling. It’s a hard world to be a part of; Seeing what other families are going through, seeing the suffering of so many young children, and facing it yourself with your own child.

Owen seems to be currently losing his battle with brain cancer. The days are hard. The emotions are many. The exhaustion is real. Our fridge is covered in coloured Bible verse pictures right now and reading them throughout the day has offered some encouragement lately:

“Cast all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.” 1Peter 5:7

“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10

“God is our refuge and strength.” Psalm 46:1

“For I, the Lord your God, will hold your right hand, saying to you, ‘Fear not, I will help you.’” Isaiah 41:13

“My help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth.” Psalm 121:2

Owen is slipping away before our eyes; He declines more each day. He sleeps alot. He isn’t eating or drinking as much. He’s been battling lots of pain and even episodes of delirium or just being very unsettled and agitated. We increased his medications again to manage his pain and his agitation. The pressure in his brain from the disease and resulting swelling is causing him to lose normal function of his body. He is weak. He can hardly walk anymore. He struggles to hold his head up. He has a hard time with speaking or thinking clearly.

This all feels like such a cruel road to walk. Watching him deteriorate before our eyes is crushing our hearts. Knowing what lays ahead feels impossible. I can’t lose my son! I’m not ready for this! How will we carry on without him? We know God is with us. We know He is carrying us even though the moments feel so hard and heavy. But yet I am struggling to see my way through to the other side of this all, especially if it means losing Owen.

We were able to celebrate Owen’s 7th birthday on September 1. We had many sweet moments amid the emotions that day. He enjoyed the Canucks icecream cake he asked for and was blessed with special gifts, cards, videos, and visitors for his birthday. We are so thankful for these 7 years with our son!

Owen would’ve been going to grade 2, but he didn’t return to school this year. Logan, who is two years younger than Owen, started kindergarten. We had to explain to him the reality that his big brother will not be at school to look out for him, guide him and make him feel more comfortable. It has been hard sending Logan off to school on his own while Owen is very sick here at home and unable to do much of anything. The Lord has blessed us with a wonderful school community willing to support us in any way we need. His care for us is so evident through them!

We are humbled by the care and selflessness of our community through some recent fundraisers for our family. We are so thankful for God’s grace and provision through the community and support system He has provided for us. Thank-you to everyone for your care, support, help, and prayers for our family. We could not be walking this road as we have been without these blessings!

Owen may be losing this battle to brain cancer, but we have hope that what awaits him is the greatest gain anyone can have…to be with Jesus. As we continue walking this journey through these hard hard days, a well-known psalm comes to mind often; One to remind us that God has this, and He will continue to carry us no matter what we face.

Psalm 23

1 The Lord is my shepherd;

I shall not want.

2 He makes me to lie down in green pastures;

He leads me beside the still waters.

3 He restores my soul;

He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil;

For You are with me;

Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;

You anoint my head with oil;

My cup runs over.

6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life;

And I will dwell in the house of the Lord

Forever.