A Sign From God

One year ago, on the morning of Owen’s funeral and the day we had to bury him, I sat in my chair looking out the living room window at the clouds and the rain while nursing our baby. What a wild thing to actually think about - nursing and providing life-giving sustenance to one child while preparing to bury my dead child.

The morning that Owen died one week prior to this, I also had a similar moment when Owen lay behind my chair deceased on his bed and I sat there nursing our baby, again providing what one child needed for life while my mother heart was shattered with no longer needing to provide for my oldest.

As I was looking out the living room window at the clouds and the rain that morning of Owen’s funeral, I watched sunlight suddenly break through the clouds and stream right in front of the window. After a moment, it was gone again and the rain continued. I knew in my heart God gave me a sign in those sunrays, a beautiful sign of His nearness and presence with us on that awful day. I said to Rick, “God is here. He will be with us today.”

And He was.

God was near to us during Owen’s funeral. God was present as we sought to honor both Him and Owen that day, and as hundreds and hundreds (thousands including those who watched online) came to mourn with us and remember our dear boy.

God gave us the ability to do the most heartbreaking thing a parent will ever have to do - say a last goodbye and close the casket on their child. God was with us as we and many others surrounded Owen’s final resting place at the cemetery in the rain. God was near to our Pastor and equipped him to beautifully honor the Lord and our son by the words he spoke that day.

That morning one year ago, God gave me that sign of His nearness and presence, and He was faithful and did not fail us. It was by His grace and strength that we were able to do the unimaginable and lay our precious boy’s body in the grave.

The old me did not survive closing that casket on our son, never to see him again in this life. The old me died with him and was buried when he was that rainy day on October 18, 2025.

This version of me now is still a work in progress as I still don't recognize myself or often even know what to do with myself; I still have so much to learn - I will always be learning from my life experiences. But who I am now deeply knows the need for God in our everyday lives. I need Him every hour, every moment. He is the reason Owen was so brave and mostly peaceful during his cancer journey and on his deathbed. He is the reason we were able to walk that journey with Owen - it was not of our own strength (and still is not). God carried us through planning our son’s funeral and bringing him to the grave. And God has been carrying us ever since. He has been lifting us up out of the darkest moments.

In our grief we may not see it all the time, but God has been good and faithful and patient as we

continue to grieve our boy and feel the overwhelming pain of Owen's absence.

Reaching these milestones has been so hard on us. We are hurting so much and we miss our dear Owen more than words can say. We have been utterly broken - shattered - but with the help of the Lord we will continue to slowly work on discovering who we are now and what moving forward looks like for us while carrying the memory of our Owen with us.

Thank you for all the continued prayers for our family. Thank you for the continued care for our family. Thank you to those who have been patient with us as we muddle our way through our grief and pain. Your prayers have not gone in vain - the Lord has been carrying us. He has been giving grace for each day as it comes.

“Cause me to hear Your loving kindness in the morning…” (Psalm 143:8a)

“Be our arm every morning, our salvation also in the time of trouble.” (Isaiah 33:2b)

His compassions “are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.” (Lamentations 3:23)

We could not get through the most awful moments of our lives without God.

“The Lord is near to all who call upon Him, to all who call upon Him in truth.” (Psalm 145:18)

“When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, then You knew my path.” (Psalm 142:3a)