Being Robbed

We feel like we are being robbed. Brain cancer is a thief and it’s stealing our son; taking him away from us. The decline is so evident right now. You can see the difference today compared to how he was just a week ago. Everything about him is different and he struggles so much with normal everyday things. We wish we could just snap our fingers and have Owen back.

Right now we are working to manage Owen’s symptoms. We had a period of relatively stable time where his medication balance was working well. But Owen has been experiencing lots of intense pain in his head as well as nausea, vomiting, increased eye problems, and lack of appetite. This indicates more progression and more pressure in his brain from disease and swelling. We have increased some medications and are currently trying to find a good balance again to manage these changes.

With broken hearts we are watching our son suffer from the pain this cancer is causing him and the abilities it’s taking from him. He used to build Lego quite well, but now he sits in front of his Lego and fiddles with it, unable to build something that makes sense and unable to easily put the pieces together. He used to read books or draw and colour pictures for my fridge, but now he just sits or lays down and listens to stories; mostly Bible stories or other stories that we pray are another way of ministering to his heart.

Rick and I have asked the question of ‘how long can we do this?’. How much longer can we watch our son battle this cancer and endure the pain and effects that come with it? Our stamina on this journey is not what it used to be. We are constantly on edge regarding when the next change will happen and what it will be. The Lord has blessed us with the summer so far, something we didn’t expect to get when Owen was placed under palliative care at the end of June. We have so much to be thankful for and have enjoyed beautiful moments this summer. Yet our hearts are heavy and we are hurting. We have so many thoughts and emotions surrounding Owen’s 7th birthday coming up on September 1. Will we be blessed with the opportunity to still celebrate him that day? Will this be his last birthday here with us? How will his birthday look this year? I didn’t dare think about his birthday until recently as it’s around the corner now. It’s hard not to plan ahead to that, but with so many unknowns we will continue to go day by day.

So often I cry out to the Lord with how unfair this seems to my 6 year old son. And how can we as his parents go on witnessing what is happening to him? The effects of sin in this world are awful; how I hate sin. I’m so thankful to our great and loving God for sacrificing His only Son to pay the price of sin for His people so that we may have hope! Owen loves the Lord and his desire is to go to heaven. What a hope we can have through Jesus Christ our Saviour! As much as this journey sucks and hurts and feels impossible to continue on (trust me, some days are so hard to do) we keep looking to God Who knows and understands the pain of watching a dearly loved child suffer because of sin. The Lord is our source of comfort, strength, and hope.

“Hear my cry, O God; attend to my prayer. From the end of the earth I will cry to You, when my heart is overwhelmed; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.” Psalm 61: 1-2